Dueling Numbskulls
Just back from New York and the mixdown sessions for David Sanborn’s terrific next record. So I get on the JetBlue 8AM and about 20 minutes out, the woman two seats in front of me suddenly bolts out of her seat and runs to the rear of the plane. As she passes me she says some guy just took out a lighter and sparked it. The flight attendant calmly walks up to this idiot (one of two) and removes the lighter from his hand.
Now, those of us who follow the news remember that this scenario is Number 1 on the list of things not to do on an airplane. I’m sure some people ignore the instructions/warning that lighting up in the bathroom is not permitted, but right out in the open? After a few tense minutes scanning the passengers to see if any air marshal types seemed plausible, I made my way back to the attendants and asked them what they thought. The net was that they were keeping an eye on these two and the situation was under control.
We had been at the studio until 2 and the wakeup was for 5, so I was tired. However, I had no intention of taking my eye off these clowns, who were doing their best to look as suspicious as possible: Cheech would go to the bathroom, while Chong would turn around and look down the aisle somewhat blankly. When one would return, the other would go. The second guy made a big show of ordering as much liquor as possible, though I think the strategy on the crew’s part was to comply once with 2 small bottles and then cut them off. It worked; eventually one and then the other fell asleep.
On landing at SFO, the captain apologized for a 10 minute wait for our gate to clear, then without comment seemed to move to a different gate. After 3 hours of tension and another 3 of ebbing concern, I was just glad we were finally ready to deplane when 4 cops came aboard and removed the two. They also asked who had seen the incident — “anybody else see what these numbskulls were doing?” — and took 3 witnesses aside for statements. Tina called me to say she’d seen Jason twittering from the same terminal, so I walked down a couple of gates and had some coffee with him. As I left to go to baggage claim, I encountered the two morons walking in the terminal and asked the cops what the story was. Apparently the duo were getting written up and flagged by TSA, but were free to go.
The subtext of all this is: a) the two flight attendants (middle-aged women) had the situation firmly in hand, and b) I was watching them like a hawk and at no time saw them do what they obviously in retrospect did, which was to communicate with the pilots and they with the ground. The delay on landing was likely a subterfuge to approach these guys as quickly and calmly as possible and get them to stand up and be put under control without alarming those (most of the passengers) who had been unaware of the incident. In general, the strategy on the flight was to not escalate the situation by confrontation, but closely observe and keep the attitude low key but aware. It was impressive in its calm but alert methodology.
I still think the cops should not have let them go given the oddness of their behavior after the initial event. But everything I saw was convincing in its careful use of power, and I guess they know what they’re doing. And I sure hope these two have a real tough time traveling for at least a while.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I fly almost weekly. Sometimes people ask me if I am afraid to fly because of the crazies. I tell them that the US skies are probably the safest in the world b/c half the passengers on the plane are ready to take matters into their own hands. My secret fear is that the willingness to protect could create chaos in a tense misunderstanding.
Sounds like the flight attendants have it under control.
January 13th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
The truly shocking aspect of this photo is seeing Jason in front of a PC laptop? Somewhere, someone is rolling over in their grave for no other reason than this. What the hell happened to his MacBook Pro? Please tell me it isn’t running Vista?